33 years. Church tradition tells me that this is when Christ died on the cross, the completion of his ministry on earth. Birth, Death, Resurrection.

Makes me think, have I completed anything? In so many ways, it feels like life is just starting for me. I have done a lot in some sense: traveled all over the world, completed a lot of years of school, lived in lots of different places, with lots of different people, worked a variety of jobs, and met some real and tangible goals.

Then there are the things I haven’t done such as: gotten married, had children, visited Kenya, Ireland, Prague, South Africa, written a book, won the Pulitzer Prize, flown to the moon and back.

I got a birthday card this year that says “barn’s burnt down; now i can see the moon”

It is about vision, about what I see.


A good friend just encouraged me recently to allow God to dig out that big large rock in my life called disappointment, or “hope deferred.” Where is that balance between complacency and contentment? I believe this is the time in my life, my 33 years of life, when I can come to that place where He is enough. I don’t need a person, a job, a vacation, an adventure, a book or anything else to satisfy that “thing.” I don’t know what else to call it except that aching gnawing “thing” inside me that craves more and more and more. But it takes me seeking Him, truly with all my heart.

“It is by loving, and not by being loved, that one can come nearest to the soul of another” –George MacDonald

The first commandment…


3 thoughts on “

  1. ever read the book, _the unbearable lightness of being_ by milan kundera? that’s why Prague.oh and its the 20th century form of the 19th century Paris–for writers.

  2. I think I shall going to boss’s brother was supposed to go to Prague to study a novel way to dispose of radioactivity.

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